Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Problems With Your Order

TO: Barney the Blood Guzzler, High Commander and “King Mack” of the Rending Angels
FROM: Imperial Supply Depot 286, Beryl VII

Commander Barney,

Congratulations on your recent founding from all the staff here at ISD 286! We know that the first five hundred years of a space marine chapter’s founding can be a stressful time, and logistics and supply are often the last things a new commander wants to think about. We at ISD 286 pledge to consistently provide high quality merchandise and expedient delivery to those forces stationed in our sector.

We received your supply order on 42.092812. Thank you for contacting ISD 286 for your chapter’s needs! Unfortunately there were a few problems with your order, which are listed below:

* Order Format: Handwritten orders are accepted in certain limited circumstances, such as emergency re-deployment (ISD FORM 188-ERD) or feral forced service requisitions (ISD FORM 152-FFS); however, our standard ordering procedures require the usage of our requisition e-form (ISD FORM 101).

* Item #1: “SPAM ASSCANNON.” We were not able to comply with this request as this is a non-existent item.

* Item #2: “CHAIN AND CUFFS LIKE TEMPLARS GOTS.” We were unable to comply with this request as this is a non-existent item. Please be advised that forces deployed on the outer galactic fringes may have access to unusual items that are normally unavailable in core systems like our own.

* Item #3: “SPIKY BITZ” We were unable to comply with this request as this is a non-existent item. Please consult our catalog, page 2556 section 82, for the “dos and don’ts” on ordering corrupted, blasphemous, heretical, or unofficially licensed materials.

* Item #4 through Item #52: The majority of these items were illegible or obscured by a large opaque drink stain on your order.

* Payment Method: In the payment method section, you wrote “TEH CH3Z.” This is not a recognized payment method. Please consult our catalog, page 1820, for our payment options, including COD, layaway purchase plans, fair trade, slave tithes, and eternal pledges of fealty. If you would like to apply for financial assistance, ISD 286 also offers low-interest emergency supply loans for qualified chapters. See page 2015 of our catalog for terms and conditions.

Please adjust those items indicated above and resubmit your order using our standard requisition e-form (ISD FORM 101). Once again, congratulations on your new founding and thank you again for choosing ISD 286 for your supply needs. We look forward to doing business with you!

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